FOUR TYPES OF LOVE

There are roughly four types of love. There is the "I love me" type, which is seen in the child. This is in reality self-love. The child says, "this is my toy; give me this." If he doesn't get it, he gets angry, hostile and frustrated and cries or stomps off. There are adults who have never really emerged from this "I love me" period of their development. They are totally incapable of giving in any type of sustaining relationship. Naturally, from the start, such a selfish relationship is destined for failure.

The next type is projected self-love: "I love me-in you." This, too is "I love me", as those people worship themselves in another person-for instance, in hero adulation. When the person realises he is loved only for what he is, not for who he is, he turns cold. This type too, can not have any degree of durability. It is all incoming, not outgoing.

The third type of love is characterised romantic love, based chiefly upon sex. It is the same type of unrealistic, romantic love portrayed in movies, novels and popular songs. After the initial thrill of the honeymoon, the chill sets in. The sexual ardour and intoxication then begin to wear off and the quarrelling begins. Eventually, these frustrated individuals discover that they have nothing in common except self-love. Since neither is willing to give to the other, neither receives.

The last type of love, by far the rarest, may be noted in some old married couples celebrating their golden wedding anniversaries. They are just as much in love as when they first met. They did not enter this relationship thinking of what they were going to get, but rather what they were going to give to each other! Their sexual responses may have been weak at first, but increased in intensity as they developed respect, mutuality of interests, sacrifice, tolerance and most important, the spiritual merger of one personality in a long-time affectionate relationship.

Briefly, we can say that sex is the passionate interest in another body, and love is the passionate interest in another personality. Loving people means:

• Accepting them
• Wanting the best for them
• Being useful in helping them get the best.

Here are twelve ways you can show your love: 

1. Caring 
2. Acceptance 
3. Acknowledgment 
4. Approval 
5. Trust 
6. Respect 
7. Appreciation 
8. Reassurance 
9. Understanding 
10. Admiration 
11. Validation 
12. Encouragement

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